When The Life Sentence is Lifted, You Might Actually Like Him/Her

Human beings may have married each other, and sincerely loved each other, without it necessarily being right or healthy to live together for life. No one expects to break up when they get married, but despite best intentions, it often becomes painfully apparent at some point that it is necessary for people to change the nature of their relationship.

Rather than divorce being a scarlet letter of anger, shame and failure, sometimes there is a great release to be felt in the decision not to spend the next 30 or 40 years with someone. “If I have to live with you the rest of my life, your habits and neuroses may drive me out of my mind. On the other hand, if the life commitment is lifted, I may actually revert to thinking your ‘faults’ are merely quirky or idiosyncratic. Who knows, I might even find them mildly amusing. I might even find them whimsically charming. We could even be friends again”

In other words, “What may be an impossible trait in you if I have to live with you for the rest of my life, may be something entirely different if I don’t. Seen from a place of friendship, your ways may be infinitely less toxic to me.”

And people don’t have to define relationship changes as bad. Ending a relationship represents many things. While it is usually painful on some level, it does not have to represent “failure.” Everything in nature evolves and changes, and as such, as much as people marrying have the intention that it be for life, sometimes things change. Taking the stigma out of divorce would go a long way towards relieving lingering pain for individuals and families.